Updated: 6 days ago
Before our second embryo transfer I wrote down my hopes and wishes for my future child. The idea was my stroke of genius, if I don't say so myself.
It was such a beautiful way for my now ex-husband and I to connect to that moment. A way to make the process more intimate. It was as though the pen to paper was our way of making love and creating our dream child.
Writing these down made me feel more at ease and less anxious about the next morning.
I recommend this practice for your next transfer. It is grounding and connects you to your embryo and yourself.
Here's the list I penned of my hopes and wishes for our future child...
I hope you...
have a good education
have every opportunity to live a healthy and happy life
are self-aware and to hold self-belief
are vulnerable when necessary and courageous when necessary, and both when necessary.
are kind to themselves and others
are fearless, but not reckless
love, in whatever definition or way that serves their spirit
are happy with the simple things in life
live in abundance
travel the world
I logged on last night to finish writing this blog post. Yet earlier in the day I had received my AMH (egg timer test) blood test results. This post has now turned into a much longer blog post than I had planned.
The AMH test measures the quantity of eggs you have left in your ovaries (known as your ovarian reserve). My ovarian reserve is low, as I had suspected. After a few tears yesterday, I now feel unattached to the results.
I am a healthy young woman and I am grateful for my health. Oh and as my darling mother reminded me, I'm also "smart and beautiful".
The test doesn't measure egg quality. Science is good, but it is not perfect. Before my last IVF cycle, my ovarian reserve count was low, but the quality of my eggs were good. I've chosen to focus on the positives, I will continue to hold my hopes and wishes for my future child.
What I can control is how I choose to show up on this quest. I will always choose to hold hope and see the beauty in everything. It takes a keen eye, and I'm lucky to have great vision. Regardless, the AMH test was helpful. I'm now taking control of what I can when it comes to my fertility health and future.
I encourage you to do the same with whatever curveball comes your way on your quest-to-conceive.
Keep holding onto to your hopes and wishes for your future child for as long as it serves you to do so. I know I will be.
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